I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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