we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
