seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize