I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
