Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
