I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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