he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
