There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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