moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
