Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
