Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
