i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
