Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
