Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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