Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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