He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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