Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
