Already got asked if we're dating
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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