four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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