i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
