Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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