so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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