Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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