then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
