if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
