How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
