Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
