You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
