I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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