so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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