My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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