My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
