And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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