Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
