I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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