roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
