Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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