We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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