Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Randomize
