It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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