Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
