This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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