I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
