Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
