you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
