The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
