he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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