He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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