I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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