Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize