Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
