it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
