Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize