wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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