Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fuck appropriateness.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
