My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A bitchslap is in order.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
