I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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