Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
