i would punch a child for taco bell
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
