do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
