for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
