Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
