He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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