Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
