Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
