You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
