either way he was missing a nipple.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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