Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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