dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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