His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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