I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jerry, you need to find god
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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