i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this will be a night to untag.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
