we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
