Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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