They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
