we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
