So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
