If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
