did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
