I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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