you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
