Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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