i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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