White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
