Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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