Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
