he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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