he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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